Grab a beer for what a year it was in 2008. We saw, lived and drank so much of trail, how do we prepare for another year for the Indy-scent kennel? Be strong, but wise and have fun and prepare for an even better 2009, that’s how you’ll do it, right!
As those smartly dressed and over paid, botoxed newscasters on TV seem to enjoy reminding us that we’re growing older and so much has happened in the past year and this is the converse of that TV filth. Stop watching TV and start training to hash by scouting good trails, drinking lots of beer, and growing a third level of thick skin as to remain strong on-on trail. For this is the annual wrap of Indy-Scent events.
We hashed more than 66 trails this past year. And just like those sexual experiences that we cherish on lonely nights let us recall that some were easy while some were easy or sleazy and only a few where phuken hard. Some trails were fashion focused and forced us to dress up or dress down. And there were many times when some of us chose to avoid the conflict entirely and just undressed entirely.
Such a long year it was and we made the best of it by running, walking, and in some cases chatted in the knitting circle. We celebrated several milestones too: Money$hots 100th hash, our largest Prom ever, the 11th Analversary-hosted by Donkey Punch, our 300 Weekend-hosted by Camotow & Jacoochie, and our first Piratesta hash where more than 20 non-returner virgins walked the plank, never to return, nor to be spoken of or even be found days later bloated and floating downstream in Little Eagle Creek. We are not here today to celebrate the attempted Indyhhh subversive hash with Jimmy Buffet because it was so much fun, really that much fun that my memory was erased by Mismanagement and so I won’t talk about it.
Seems like it was a fun year, doesn’t it? Let me remind you of a few details that scared many hashers. There was the Phantasm hash that included too many poorly marked miles of trail though Crown Hill Cemetery along with an abrupt tour of the mausoleum including an elevator ride in the casket basket. There was also the March hash of Sir Camotow and Jacoochi with their Friggin Freegan hash that reminded us that summer is near and wet feet is nothing to fear, isn’t that right? Other scary events included the adventure with the Children of the Corn where we learned that if one is drunk enough that everything is ok, even if that includes quick sand and falling down in heavy stream flow. And if that wasn’t enough fear to remind you that we are hashers, then there was that cute little cakewalk called “Stand by Me” where not even field of nettles standing 7 feet tall could slow us from our journey for beer. If that wasn’t enough of a challenge we continued on that day making through the deep yet cool blue raging waters of the Big Blue River in Flat Rock. We’re strong, we’re tough, we’re hashers and most importantly we’re thirsty so not even a 3 story tall railroad bridge the length of a football field can stop us.
Don’t be deceived as the Indyscent kennel is tough, we have no boundaries. If we can hash as far south as Flat Rock then let’s go north and go north we did. Once heard some old coot on TV say, “Go north young man!” and that’s what we did. In August the kennel gathered in Kokomo, the City of Thirst and we hashed there, and it was good, and we fucked, we fucked like Vikings…….yeah it was tough, especially because someone thought it would be fun to Flambong Absinthe and that’s another story that will be spoken about, not written about in order to protect the names of the (not so) innocent.
Such fun, or was it? I cannot go on about our wonderful year without saying good by to so many great things and great people who hashed this past year. We know that when we hit trail at the beginning of the year, some won’t come back, they just can’t and that is only the blame of God and His drunkenness in letting us stray.
Let us remember our dear friend Flambogo1 who met her fate unexpectedly taking leaks on a trail and on hashers. Perhaps had she not been a vessel of toxic absinthe, she would still be with us instead of becoming a permanent fixture in our GM’s yard. And we also must bow our heads at the loss of Newton’s (Gavy) intact tibia. Had I been a faster and stronger hasher maybe I could have caught him in my arms as he plunged helplessly from the parking garage at the Torque Your Turkey Hash. For those who were present we know it was horrible, so much swelling and disfiguration as well as just out right scary. So next time Newton you should wear something that covers your organs and piano when you fall down. And lastly one of our greatest losses was…..light a candle now, say a prayer, burn a cross or whatever; we entered the trail among friends and it seemed safe and friendly, but before long we lost our dignity. It was left at so many boob checks and not enough pecker check, and damn you who missed the sangria check at the AIDS memorial! Still we survived and survived with some really great stories, so great that we’ll never tell our grandchildren.
And while we wipe tears of sorrow from our legs, let us lift up our beers as we celebrate our new hashers who came into our kennel in 2008. Gutterballs and Closet Fag are so much GD fun, if only their trails had as much beer as their as their presence in circle has love and kisses. Welcome aboard to very own Shoe Me Your Tits and Fishlips who act like Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton by singing Floridian hash songs in circle before trail. Keep your eyes on these 2, they’re committed and fun and so much fun that the hosted our Holiday Hash. (xx both ya). Twenty Pound Pussy—welcome aboard and I hope you’re as thrilled to be with us as we are with you, even if your trails are “Shitty”. Venereal Day aka VD she’s a tough girl and you spend a little time with you and you’ll agree with that assessment: look out!. Breezy Balls, who was made to come by VD and that should offer enough of a welcoming. OK and so there were many great hashers who joined our kennel. I’ve go a bit of a time problem as it’s New Years Eve and I need to get my skinny ass ready for a party so please accept my apology if you were not missed, and if you want to be remembered in hashtrash than get in my face and make your self memorable.
And to our dearly beloved returners to whom we would not have a hash without their astitute leadership, their love of bring fun to other people at the sacrifice of consuming beer, let me take off my hat and pants and offer a full salute to you.
Mess, aka The Messiah
Kotex, aka just Jesus
ProBoner, aka Just Stacy, aka Just Jewbacca cool sister who is named “Stacy”
Necro Polo, those Lafayette hashers are really the best!
Happy New Years to each of you and thank you for an amazing year. I’ve had so much fun and so many struggles and struggling for fun is what makes life worth living, isn’t it? Sure it’s just about some of us who get together for beers and trail, but for others it is something we look forward to. Some of us thrive on social interaction like this.
See you next year and look forward to future hashes {the Helen Reddy Hash, bring your divorced and bitter mother, as I will), (the Carly Simon Hash, were instead of beer checks we get silicon lip injection) and many other wonderful and “easy” trails
Xxx
Jewbacca
{hate my blog: http://jerryoma.blogspot.com/}
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